Whether the topic is business or personal, most studies show that between 60 % – 90 % of communication is nonverbal and furthermore, nonverbal communication techniques, for example, tone of voice and physical distance between yourself and the person with whom you are speaking, are intuitively used by all humans. Moreover, within the first few minutes of meeting and speaking with someone, we begin to make decisions about what the other person’s intentions are and figure out if that person is trustworthy and safe to do business or socialize with.

Those study findings throw cold water on the 318.66 million U.S. citizens who in 2023, according to the German data research firm Statista, used the internet to send email and SMS (text) messages, follow social media and join videoconferences to communicate with colleagues, family and friends. Electronic communication platforms are quite convenient but numerous reliable studies show that nonverbal communication signals are challenged to cross the digital divide, causing unspoken but nevertheless relevant nuance to slip through the cracks.

Can any of us know how much of a story may have been lost when told through a digital method? If that’s not enough of a lapse, is a digitally transmitted story more vulnerable to misinterpretation? Nonverbal communication—facial expressions, posture, physical gestures and tone of voice, for example—is a vital component of human communication that can signal how you really feel, despite what you put into words. An awareness and ability to recognize and read the nonverbal communication signals transmitted to you and by you will greatly enhance your communication skills and relationships. In conversations both casual and critical, you want to understand the impact of verbal and nonverbal messages, what you send and what you receive. In their 1972 book Effective Business Communication, Herta A. Murphy, Herbert W. Hildebrandt and Jane P. Thomas noted, “Sometimes nonverbal messages contradict the verbal; often they express true feelings more accurately than the spoken or written language”.

There are three principal elements of nonverbal communication: facial expressions, body language and overall appearance. When speaking with someone it’s important that you are alert to his/her nonverbal gestures, because the story is being told on more than just the verbal channel. In fact, people are more likely to engage you in future conversations and consider having a social or business relationship with you when you recognize and act upon their nonverbal cues. Below are 12 nonverbal communication signals that you may observe, decode and respond to in your next conversation.

Cheerful face and voice

1. With appropriately displayed smiles and nods, you’ll communicate to your conversation counterpart that you are listening to his/her opinions and that you understand and agree with his/her story. Communication experts unanimously agree that listening is the most important communication skill; everyone wants to be heard.

2. Pulitzer Prize winning journalist Charles Duhigg, author of Supercommunicators: The Power of Conversation and the Hidden Language of Connection (February 2024), notes that talking and laughing together is a bonding experience that contributes to relationship-building. Laughing with (but not at) someone promotes a happy mood and is another way to signal that you’re listening to the story.

3. Maintain good eye contact by looking your conversation counterpart(s) in the eye as the two of you talk to, again, display your interest in their story. However, you must periodically pull back the eye contact by taking brief breaks, perhaps to contemplate your next answer, for example. You don’t want your eye contact to be perceived as staring (that is, aggressive).

4. Regulate your voice so that you speak in a pleasant and confident tone that is authoritative yet not intimidating and matches the purpose and topic of the conversation. Speak clearly, enunciate well and pace your speech so that it’s neither too fast nor too slow for the occasion. Avoid raising the pitch of your voice as you end a sentence, as if you are asking a question rather than making a statement.

5. Mirror the other person’s facial expressions to demonstrate that you agree with and like the other person. Mirroring validates the opinions, wants and needs of the person you’re speaking with.

Body talk

6. Align your posture by gently lifting your chest, lifting up from your lower back and straightening your spine. Then, pull your shoulders back but keep them relaxed, so that you don’t look (and feel) tense. Activate your core muscles to support your midsection and comfortably maintain posture. In other words, don’t slouch; instead, communicate that you are cognitively present and ready to communicate and connect.

7. Place your legs hip distance apart when sitting or standing. When sitting, cross your ankles, rather than your legs, to demonstrate that you are relaxed and listening.

8. Leaning in gently is yet another body language gesture that indicates you are listening. As noted above, listening is the most powerful confirmation that signals to the other person that you hear and respect him/her.

9. Mirror the body language that you observe in your counterpart, to signal that you relate to him/her and that you agree with his/her point of view. Smile when s/he smiles; become serious when his/her facial expressions and vocal tone reflects that emotion. You want to communicate that you are on the same wavelength and understand his/her opinion or purpose.

Arms and hands

10. When, for example, the conversation takes place with participants standing—maybe you’re attending an industry expo or maybe you’re at a party—keep arms relaxed at your sides as the other person speaks, to show that you are listening and open to hearing what s/he has to say. It’s often best to keep your arms uncrossed, so that you don’t appear confrontational or intimidating.

Whether sitting or standing, use your hands to gesture while you speak, to enhance your credibility and confirm your engagement with the listener and topic. There is also evidence that using hand gestures while speaking improves your thinking processes. However, take care that hand and arm movements are not overly expansive and distracting.

11. Greet others with a firm handshake–but not too firm. A firm handshake is one of the most important body language moves, because it sets the tone for the entire conversation. Who wants to shake hands and have a conversation with a wet noodle?

12. Be aware and respectful of different cultural greeting and departure practices prior to your meeting. For example, when you greet the person with whom you’ll speak, will you shake hands, bow, or air kiss both cheeks? End the meeting with a firm handshake (or bow, or air kiss on alternate cheeks) and eye contact, to signal that you enjoyed your time and hope to meet again.

Thanks for reading,

Kim

Image: © Erik Arazas. Meeting and greeting with a traditional handshake and nose kiss at the Zayed Grand Mosque in Abu Dhabi during Eid Al Fitr 2012, the festival that celebrates the conclusion of the month-long observance of Ramadan (Ramadan 2024 begins March 10, Eid Al Fitr 2024 is April 9).