Tag Archives: advice

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Getting and Giving Advice: Who to Ask, Frame the Question

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We’re back with more thoughts and suggestions regarding how to navigate the matter of business advice, giving or receiving.  Previous posts have explored how to effectively give advice and the importance of using tact when advice is offered.  In this post, we’ll examine how to obtain business advice for ourselves.  As you might guess, it’s a delicate process.

Getting and Giving Advice: Skill Set

Getting and Giving Advice: Tact

First, if you are in need of advice, then there is either a problem or an opportunity that you must address (or ignore).  You are concerned and maybe even scared.  You are stressed and making decisions when stressed is seldom a good idea.  Stress impairs judgment and therefore increases the potential for an undesirable outcome.  Nevertheless, you recognize that another perspective could help you to sort things out. Who are you going to trust?

Yes, trust is a big factor when seeking advice. You must trust that person’s expertise and since confidentiality is likely involved, you must feel confident in the person’s ethics and practice of discretion.  You do not want someone who is unqualified to give the advice and neither do you want your private affairs indiscriminately shared.

Let’s start by helping you to identify a good advice prospect.  You may know more than one person who appears to own the experience and expertise that should make him/ her a good candidate,  but who should you approach?  Here are guidelines to assist your decision.

First, avoid asking someone who has competitive advantages that are significantly beyond your reach. If the person is prone to unusually good luck, or has a wealthy and influential family or spouse, then do not ask the individual for advice.  S/he may have built a highly profitable business, but because fate smiles on all of his/her endeavors,  s/he has faced no real obstacles.  Such persons cannot solve problems, because they’ve never had the need to do so.  They’ve never borne the consequences of either bad luck or their mistakes.

Second, look a little more at how the prospect has garnered  success.  Whether it was a fast climb to the top or slow, someone who has taken an unusual path has probably encountered an array of unexpected obstacles and opportunities that had to be conquered or exploited along the way.  Of necessity, that person has challenged assumptions, rethought the status quo and has the courage to move forward  when more conventional types might hesitate. As a result, that person has learned to be quite resourceful and could have real wisdom to share with you.

Next, confirm your advice prospect’s expertise in your area of need.  Just because someone has climbed the corporate ladder or built a million dollar plus company does not mean that the person is an expert in all disciplines.  A talent for strategy development is probably a strong point across the board,  but most people are strongest in either finance, operations, sales or marketing. Further, it’s been my observation that the intelligence possessed by computer geeks is very deep and very narrow, rendering them useful for IT questions only.  I would be reluctant to trust many of them to go the grocery store to buy bread and milk in a snowstorm.

Now, let’s consider the right way to ask for the advice.  As the late management guru Peter Drucker noted,  one will not find the fight answer unless the right question is asked.  Advice experts recommend that you NOT ask your prospect what you should do in your situation,  because s/he may get insulted if you decide to ignore their advice and follow another route.  Instead, ask if s/he has ever faced a situation like yours and if so, what did s/he do or say in response?

WRONG: “I feel that a big wholesaler is being unfair about the payment terms extended to me. What should I do”?

RIGHT:     ” Have you ever dealt with a big wholesaler who you felt was unfair about the payment terms extended to you? Were you able to do anything about it”?

Finally, you need access to your preferred advice candidate. It’s preferable to approach someone you are already acquainted with and that is the best reason for taking the time to establish business and social relationships.  The person who can most effectively guide you might be in the gym with you,  or at church, or at the lunch table at a symposium. Asking for detailed advice from someone you’ve just shaken hands with is awkward.

Ask your advice question, beginning with your clarifying question to verify expertise, in person if possible.  Your specific advice question can be asked in a follow-up telephone call if there is no time to address it on the spot, or if privacy is an issue.  Good luck!

Thanks for reading,

Kim

 

 

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Getting and Giving Advice: Tact

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In my March 1 post, I introduced the matter of giving and receiving advice and I let readers know that over the next few months I would explore different aspects of this important and sensitive topic. Here is the link to that post, if you’d like the reference.

Getting and Giving Advice: Skill Set

When offering advice to someone, especially if it is unsolicited, tact is an essential ingredient.  In today’s bombastic communications environment that is dominated by “reality”shows,  current events infotainment-style “news” shows and even presidential debates that not infrequently de-volve into scream fests, it appears that the use and value of tact have been greatly diminished.  Name-calling is in vogue, I’m sorry to say.

Tact comes easily for some but for most of us, tact requires first an awareness of its need, followed by lots of practice in its implementation.  When a difficult conversation must take place,  when in a negotiation, or even when relaxing and chatting with friends or family, tact is a useful skill. Tact adds subtlety and sophistication to your speaking style and makes you look more professional and competent.  Furthermore,  there will be no good relationships built without it, business or personal.

Being direct in one’s expression is also a useful skill,  but the ability to deliver a blunt opinion well is real talent. There is a right way to tell the outrageous truth.  The essence of tact is keeping one’s emotions in check, so that the impulse to blurt out hurtful (or semi-incoherent) statements will be curbed.  Consider keeping the following suggestions in mind as you work to incorporate the nuances of tact into your communications portfolio.

THINK FIRST

Especially in a conversation that seems to have the potential to become heated, pause, so that you can listen to what is being said by the other party and give yourself time to organize your thoughts and choose your words carefully.  By any means necessary, avoid attacks,  threats,  arm-twisting,  sarcasm,  accusations and disrespect.  You may be unhappy with what the other person has said or done,  but aim to express your displeasure in a polite and yet no-nonsense manner.  This approach is not to be confused with backing down.

SOFTEN NEGATIVE FEEDBACK

When you must address the stressful matter of unmet expectations or poor results,  the tactful approach is the best way to get you and the other person on the road to effecting a satisfactory solution.

First, search for a way to include a positive observation about the outcome. Next, discuss what came up short.  Be diplomatic with your criticism—it may be that you did not clearly communicate your request and thus caused the other person to misunderstand.  Make the conversation a teachable moment for both of you.

TIMING IS EVERYTHING

It may not be possible to know in advance the best time to wade into a sensitive subject. If you attempt to force a discussion at an inconvenient time,  your message will not be well received and if your manner of approach reeks of entitlement,  you could damage the relationship.

Always ask if it’s a good time to talk.  If it appears that the other person can focus on choosing another time,  then ask to do so.  But if that person appears to be overwhelmed,  back off and revisit the subject at another date.  Respect for boundaries  is another cornerstone of tact and tact is good business.

Thanks for reading,

Kim

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Getting and Giving Advice: Skill Set

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In the Peanuts comic strip, the character Lucy would regularly set up a mobile office with a sign that read “Advice 5 cents.” Asking for and being asked for advice is an integral part of our personal and professional lives. It is surprising that we do not assign a higher value to the process or train ourselves in its nuances.

Giving useful and timely recommendations and advice are the essence of coaching, consulting, leadership, management and parenting.  There are right ways and wrong ways to deliver even positive reviews, let alone the evidence of gaps or missteps.  Spending some time learning about the process of giving and getting advice is an important element of leadership development.

Over the next few weeks,  I’d like to explore different aspects of the exchange.The whole business of advice is potentially fraught.  Offering unsolicited advice can cause others to see one as controlling or a busy-body.  Feelings can be hurt, people can feel threatened or violated.  Offering advice or an opinion  even when asked can also lead to an unfortunate outcome, because the asker may be looking not for an expert or unbiased opinion or guidance, but rather validation.  Certainly we’ve all experienced the uncomfortable feeling when the advice seeker turns blatantly testy because the desired response was not given.

Keep in mind that well-honed listening skills are essential when one takes on an advisory role.  Attention must be paid to the question posed and what may motivate or be at stake for the asker.  Diplomacy, self-control,  discretion and emotional intelligence are likewise required attributes and behaviors.  Ego gratification, a need for control, or other self-serving behaviors have no place in the process.  Self-awareness is part of the equation and humility as well, because if one is not qualified to give advice or guidance on a given matter, that must be communicated.

Respecting bounadaries is key.  The terrain of unsolicited advice is usually best avoided—but the concept presents an ethical dilemma when we witness someone we know and care about slide into near-certain disaster born of poor judgment or timing.

Finally, determining the type of solution one would be wise to recommend to the asker, as well as the amount of follow-up and other post-request involvement should be taken on,  calls for good judgment and strategic thinking.  How can you be fair to both the asker and yourself?

The next time you seek or are sought out for advice, keep what’s been mentioned here in mind and stay tuned for more discussion.

Thanks for reading,

Kim

 

 

 

 

 

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Your Advisory Board

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Every successful business owner benefits from the wise counsel of a select group of experts,  who offer a differential diagnosis that brings fresh air and information into the room and drags us out of the echo chamber of our auto-pilot  habits and ingrained perspectives.

Fortunately,  life equips us with an advisory board,  whether or not we recognize it as such.  Unfortunately,  most of the advice we receive is bad,  starting with what know-it-all cousin Howie and meddlesome Aunt Sheila have to say (those two will have you broke in six months!).

No,  our real advisory board must be carefully curated.  One must know whose advice generally should be heeded and whose advice basically should be ignored.  The advisory board that we consult can be informal.  It is not necessary to create a formal board unless the business demands it.  But we should check in regularly,  to find out what is new on the horizen,  figure out how to solve problems faster,  brainstorm intriguing new ideas and overall learn how to work not just hard,  but smart.

Clients

As numerous experts repeatedly recommend,  listen to your clients and receive a wealth of information.  Customers give the outside-in,  other side of the desk view and what they value most can be surprising.  You cannot always fathom what customer priorities will be and you won’t know until you let them tell you.

Customers are essential members of our advisory board.  The client represents the marketplace and when the market speaks, business owners must listen.   Ask  for customer feedback in the form of evaluations,  surveys,  or plain old Q & A over coffee.  Ask what they like about your products and services;  ask what would enhance the experience of doing business with you;  ask about upcoming trends in their organizations and figure out what you can monetize.

Employees

If you have employees,  seek out their insights and advice on how your business protocols might be improved.  Employees are in the trenches and often know better than the owner about how the business is perceived by customers.  Employees are uniquely positioned to give very valuable feedback.  Owners and managers should be smart enough to listen.  

Likewise our accountant,  attorney and other professional service providers,  through the unique prism of their specialty,  may offer useful advice that can have a positive impact on the business.   A wise business owner creates  an environment where employees know that their opinions and advice are welcomed,  respected and at least occasionally implemented.

Competitors

Do speak with experienced people within your industry,  including competitors.  Many will be happy to share a few pearls of wisdom with you,  especially if they operate in another geographic locale.  Marketing tips and other promotional strategies can be  good topics to discuss,  as could the types of services that resonate most with clients these days.  If your summer vacation means travel,  don’t be afraid to do some soft-touch networking.  You might get some timely advice from a seasoned pro.

Roundtables

Additionally,  I think you will find it useful to have also a structured advisory board esperience and for this I recommend membership in a peer group,  also known as a CEO forum or roundtable.  Groups consist of perhaps a dozen business owners in non-competing industries,  are often segmented by number of employees and annual revenues and usually meet monthly for about 2 hours.  The idea is to assemble a group of business owners who share a  similar profile and who therefore have the  perspective to offer relevant advice and support to fellow members. 

When properly facilitated,  group members function as each other’s board of directors.  There is guidance and support on decision-making.  Members celebrate successes.  New ways to consider and resolve business challenges are put forth.  Opportunities may be discovered,  goal setting is encouraged and members hold one another accountable for progress and achievement.  Peer roundtables can provide a welcome source of support and inspiration and do much to overcome the isolation that many business owners experience.

Thanks for reading,

Kim